I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
