I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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