new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
