i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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