Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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