hell yes lets make some ravioli
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
