"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
