Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
