Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
