We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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