Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
