I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
