i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
