batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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