??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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