hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
3pm strippers are depressing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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