thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
