i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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