Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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