just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
