So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
