I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I could fuck to npr.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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