You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
