I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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