I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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