just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
