The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
