I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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