I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
