i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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