Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
