my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize