I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
