He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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