I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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