textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
