She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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