you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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