I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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