Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
