Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize