let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
