Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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