As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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