Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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