Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
