oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
please don't ironically join a cult
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