to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
