a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
