Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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