I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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