I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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