Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
