I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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