Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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