I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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