I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
