first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
