I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
