I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
