Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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