1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
