I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
