my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.